Unexpected Pregnancy After 40: The Baby We Didn’t Know We Needed

Maybe This Is The Baby You Didn't Know That You Needed.

Unexpected Pregnancy After 40: The Baby We Didn’t Know We Needed

By Rachelle Keng, MD

So you thought you couldn’t get pregnant….

Moodiness, brain fog, sleeplessness-

It's all perimenopause, right?!

And yet, the seventh pregnancy test still shows a POSITIVE result. Can this be right?!

If you weren’t planning to get pregnant at 40+, it can be incredibly overwhelming. Shocking. Upsetting. Exciting. Devastating. All at once. It's an avalanche of extreme emotions.

Denial may set in for a few hours, but then the nausea starts and the physical reminders of this incarceration have begun. And then the questions begin. Will he be happy? Will I be able to handle another child? Will our bank accounts be able to handle this? Will my body be able to handle this?

Maybe you were already done with this season of your life. Turning the clock backwards to diapers, nap schedules, and preschool drop‑off are all setbacks to the light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe you already had a plan for going back to school or revving up your career.

I was one of these moms.

It was 2024. I was already overwhelmed with motherhood. I had two children: my oldest daughter was 12, with significant special needs and disabilities. My youngest was 8, on a restricted diet due to multiple food allergies. Making dinner involved three different versions of the same meal to feed the family. I had just submitted my book, Woven in the Womb: Peace for the Pregnant and Postpartum Soul, and was ready to work on my writing career. And then I found out I was pregnant... at 42. (Before you say to yourself, but isn't she an obgyn? Yes. You are right. I was still surprised. After seven years of secondary infertility, I had already let go of the idea of more children.)

I was getting ready to “birth” a book - not a real baby! Yet there I stood, with trembling hands holding a pregnancy test with two blue lines—called into a new, unexpected identity: geriatric mom. The true irony of this situation was that I has just written a book about the sovereignty of God over the womb. And yet when faced with this truth, I was scared out of my mind.

I asked myself all of the questions, especially wondering if my husband would be happy or be even more overwhelmed than I was. I called my physician husband into the bedroom. He saw me crying and quickly rushed over. I handed him the white stick with two lines as I buried my face in my hands.

He took the test in his hands and gave me a hug.

“You have COVID?” he asked worriedly with tender concern.

Oh snap.

As an OB/GYN, I often see women like myself: facing an unexpected pregnancy after 40. We are barely treading water and struggling to keep everyone afloat. Then God tosses us another baby saying, “Here’s another blessing!”

I’m joking. And I’m also crying at the same time.

Because we know children are a blessing.

But they may not feel like a blessing when we are overwhelmed and overextended.

Motherhood is the hardest job in the world. The constant demand, dying to self, dying to comfort, dying to selfishness - motherhood isn’t easy, and it can be exhausting. If you have a supportive partner, it can make all the difference. If you are a natural Mary Poppins and a thriving Proverbs 31 woman, you may love motherhood. But even the seemingly "perfect" mothers are overwhelmed if they are honest with themselves. And if you have already felt alone in parenthood, this pregnancy may feel incredibly suffocating.

So maybe if we have an honest conversation about the unexpected pregnancy in our 40s, we might find rest for our souls. We might even see the incredible privilege and gift that we have been given. Because maybe we have been allowed to experience God’s divine purposes.

Does God make mistakes when He opens geriatric wombs? In the Bible, postmenopausal uteri are how God shows His provision and faithfulness. He fulfills his promises through unexpected pregnancies is older moms. God gave baby Isaac to geriatric mom, Sarah. Isaac was one of the fathers of the Israelites. God gave baby Johnny to older mom, Elizabeth. Baby Johnny became John the Baptist, the mouthpiece for Jesus’s arrival. Both Isaac and John the Baptist had divine purposes. God specifically chose barren, post-menopausal women not only to bless them, but to show His sovereignty over life in the most unlikely circumstances. He was giving these mothers and future generations a gift through an unexpected pregnancy. Maybe God is giving you a gift too.

The Benefits of Motherhood in Your 40s

We hear a lot about the risks of pregnancy after 40. But there are also a lot of benefits too:

Financial stability: Most moms have better financial stability in this decade and understand better how to budget their expenses. You probably understand long-term financial planning⁠⁠, and have more realistic expectations of spending.

Personal security: Most moms are more secure in their own skin with less pressure to prove themselves or keep up with comparisons. You’ve figured out the dangers of social media, and you’ve already exited the race.

Life wisdom: Moms in their 40s know which battles matter, and which battles to let go (especially if you are already parenting teenagers). You know when to save your breath.

Resilience: If you’ve lived life, you’ve endured some curveballs and still hit them. You’ve lost and still found new ways to win. Older moms give themselves more grace.

Better Boundaries: “Older moms” understand that time and energy are limited. This allows you to create a healthier home where boundaries replace martyrdom⁠.

But the reality is that while there are a lot of benefits as an older mom, there are also a lot of fears in our 40s. I remember waking up with a cold sweat during pregnancy when I realized I could apply for Medicare (insurance at 65) when my son was in college.

I freaked myself out with all of the what-ifs I wouldn’t be alive for my son’s milestones. I worried (in my 20s) with pregnancy #1 about whether I could balance career and parenting. I worried (in my 30s) with pregnancy #2 whether or not my kids were going to be okay in this big world. And now with #3, I was worried about all of the pregnancy complications that I usually counsel women about at 40.

The bottom line?

Motherhood in your 20s is hard.

Motherhood in your 30s is hard.

Motherhood in your 40s is hard.

There is no perfect time for pregnancy and motherhood. Moms at every age worry. Every generation of mothers understands some version of overwhelm.

But if you’re an “older” mom, be encouraged today. You have more tools to stay afloat simply because you’ve lived through more storms. You know when to bring an umbrella because you’ve already ruined your shoes in the rain. You’ve even learned how to splash in the puddles again. So check the weather, and let it be. You’ll figure it out rain or shine.

When the Thorn Becomes a Rose Garden

Maybe this pregnancy feels like a thorn that is lodged in all the places that are already overwhelmed —your schedule, your marriage, your bank account, your tired body.

It's already hurting and under too much strain. But maybe thorns are sent to deepen our trust.

Thorns shape us. Thorns slow us down. Thorns press us to seek Jesus who understands carrying both joy and sorrow in the same body. Maybe your overwhelmed life is what will help you find your true treasure. Maybe these thorns will help you let go of your pride, dignity, and idols- simply because there isn’t the time to invest in them anymore!

Perhaps over time, this thorn is what turns your family into a magnificent rose garden. The thorns are still there, but blend into the background of a more powerful fragrance.

When Jesus is on the throne, it makes all the difference in overwhelmed motherhood. Because Jesus wore these very thorns on his head. He looked at the people on the other side of the cross and said, “Yes, I love them, so I can endure this.” (Hebrews 12:2 paraphrased)

But we aren’t Jesus

So let’s be honest about the cost.

I did not love the pregnancy at 42—my joints and back let me know, loudly, that I was not 20 anymore. My pelvic floor complained daily. I missed my sleep in postpartum. I missed having control over my body. I missed having time to myself. I had to make a daily choice to trust God with my fears. I had to give Him my childrens' needs, and trust Him with all the ones I no longer had energy to care for anymore. I had to ask God for help to navigate gestational diabetes, insulin injections, and another postpartum darkness.

But when this sweet baby smiled for the first time, laughed at my peekaboo, made my daughters laugh, and gave me a different joy in my motherhood- he completed our family in a way I couldn’t have written myself.

The snuggle was worth the struggle.

I have loved being a new mom again in my 40s. I have found my youth again. My son keeps my perimenopausal bones strong as I keep up with his toddling self!

I have been invited to see God’s goodness in a new, refreshing way. As the weight of responsibility has grown, my strength to endure it has too. As the overwhelm becomes harder, the resilience has become easier.

Giving God my motherhood saved my family from a self-absorbed, prideful mom. He continues to minister to my mother’s heart through each of my unique children. Each of them teaches me to trust Him in very different ways.

Boy, if that “positive test” had been Covid, I surely would have a different story to tell today.

But when I told my husband it was a pregnancy test, the tears turned into laughter. Because my husband had also learned to trust God as a special needs dad over the years. This geriatric pregnancy was another opportunity to grow in trust. Over time, the excitement outweighed the fears. We were blessed beyond measure.

Our third baby was the boy we didn’t know we needed. The thorns blended into the background of the fragrance of a truly beautiful rose garden.

If you are facing an unplanned pregnancy in your forties, it is going to be okay. Especially if you know Jesus, you have hope that God knows all of your days and every one of your family’s needs (Matthew 6:34). Hang in there, my friend. This baby has been sent to bring you joy.

Luke 2:10-11

But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord.

Check out the new song, "The Baby We Didn't Know We Needed" from Woven Motherhood playing soon on your streaming platform

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-yojzwMLAQA

The Baby We Didn't Know We Needed

by Woven Motherhood

I thought those days were finally gone

Little shoes packed up, moving on

Then two blue lines changed my plans

And fear came rushing in again

I said, “Lord, I’m already worn thin”

He said, “Child, trust Me again”

I saw thorns, sleepless nights

He saw joy waiting on the other side

Cause God still opens wombs 

nobody thought could bloom

Turns scared hearts into holy rooms

Yeah, the baby I never planned

Was wrapped in Heaven’s hands

The baby we didn’t know we needed

My body ached, my worries grew

I feared the things I couldn’t do

But every time that baby smiled

God healed a little more inside

Sarah laughed, but God was near

And He’s still calming mother’s fears

Cause God still opens wombs

Nobody thought could bloom

Turns scared hearts into holy rooms

Yeah, the baby I never planned

Was wrapped in Heaven’s hands

The baby we didn’t know we needed

Sometimes the blessings we never choose

Become the ones we’d never lose