Praying Through Infertility

Praying Through Infertility

by Rachelle Keng, MD

How to Pray Through Infertility and Fertility Treatments

How can you pray through infertility? How can you grow in your relationship with God while you go through your fertility treatments?

As an OBGYN, I see women in my office who have had unanswered questions about their fertility for decades. Sometimes there are obvious causes, and sometimes there are not. Sometimes tests and procedures are pursued to improve fertility. Sometimes medications are needed to sync menstrual cycles or injections to help women ovulate. And sometimes options can become more involved, like embryo adoption and in-vitro fertilization. The fertility journey is different for everyone.

Nowadays, there are so many treatment options that infertility has been re-defined. However, many of the fertility treatment paths require both resilience and perseverance to keep going. This journey may take years to arrive and may not even end up at the desired destination. Detours, setbacks, and wandering in the wilderness are all part of this exhausting journey. 

If you are struggling with infertility, it may feel like you’re going to endless appointments with no results. Getting pregnant and staying pregnant can be all-consuming as you wait for your next period. It may even feel like a full-time job with the daily injections, blood draws, and frequent ultrasounds.

It isn’t uncommon that infertility also brings up matters of the soul. Getting pregnant can become an all-consuming idol. If you have bought the lie that something is wrong with you, or that you are less blessed or less loved, it can seriously paralyze your spiritual life.

So let’s address it:

God loves you, regardless of your ability to have children.

God loves you because Jesus said you were worthy (Ephesians 2:4–5). If we were approved because of our performance, we would all fall short. 

Your fertility does not define your purpose in the kingdom of God. In the Garden of Eden, God’s command to be biologically “fruitful”  became a different command after Jesus arrived on the scene. When Jesus ascended to heaven, His command was to go into the world and make disciples- in essence to grow spiritual children rather than biological ones. It was still a command of "population growth," but one that was not dependent on the ability to conceive (Matthew 29:19-20).

But here’s the truth:

Even when you know this, your heart can still ache when your arms are empty. The Bible refers to children as a blessing. Are childless women not blessed? If you have gone through infertility, you may have wondered if God has forgotten you. 

He has not forgotten you (Isaiah 49:15). Your motherhood journey just looks different.

When Eve decided she would go her own way in the Garden of Eden, conception was no longer easy. But many generations later, God worked through a supernatural conception to prove a point. There was redemption of this broken process by showing that He was the creator of life. This little supernatural embryo was going to bring hope to all of the brokenness of this world.

While there is a unique experience of combining DNA and carrying a child, this is not God’s only plan for parenthood. God uses unconventional ways to grow his family. God is incredibly creative in crafting uncoventional parenting journeys. Not all children are genetically related to their parents in the Bible.  In fact, Jesus was not from typical human DNA. and Joseph was a “stepfather” to Jesus. Eli was an adoptive “father” to Samuel. Pharaoh’s daughter became an adoptive mother to Moses when a baby literally floated into her arms. 

Family is not defined by blood. It is characterized by those who are covered by it. 

When Jesus died on the cross, his blood brought a new relationship to God and His people. The Bible speaks of an “adoption” when God’s children are welcomed into His kingdom. The apostle Paul says we are adopted the moment we accept Jesus. We can become children of God (Romans 8:15–16) without even a single strand of heavenly DNA. 

But even with a belief in these truths, we can still ache. Especially when the answer is no. Or not yet. 

If you have the desire to be a mother, it is God-given. Motherhood may just look different from what you may have imagined.

Let’s talk about God’s unconventional parenthood plans for women. Pregnancy and childbirth are just one way women become mothers. 

Motherhood is determined by the capacity to love, nurture, and care for the vulnerable.

You may be the spiritual mother to girls who do not have a mother. You may be a foster mother to children who need a home. You may adopt a son or daughter you would not have known otherwise. The title “mother” is not just for those who have birthed a child. The title “mother” is for women who want to love and give. 

But let’s face it. Motherhood is an inevitable part of female conversation. And every time it comes up, it can rub salt into a fertility wound. Only God can comfort this wound and redeem it for something more.

Not all empty womb stories end with your own baby in your arms. Instead, God fills the emptiest places of our hearts with His presence. The journey from emptiness to fullness begins when our destination is more about Him and less about ourselves. God fills you when you ask Him to meet you in an empty place.

In the Bible, Habakkuk paints a picture of emptiness during a famine:

Even though the fig trees have no blossoms,

and there are no grapes on the vines;

even though the olive crop fails,

and the fields lie empty and barren;

even though the flocks die in the fields,

and the cattle barns are empty . . .

Habakkuk 3:17, NLT

Bare trees. Failing crops. Empty barns. Sometimes, an empty womb

can feel like this famine. But Habakkuk makes a conscious choice to

rejoice even in famine.

. . . yet I will rejoice in the Lord!

I will be joyful in the God of my salvation!

The Sovereign Lord is my strength!

He makes me as surefooted as a deer,

able to tread upon the heights.

Habakkuk 3:18–19, NLT

At the eye level of the famine, the fields are empty. But when we choose to rejoice in the Lord, He gives us joy even in the emptiness. He gives us the strength to face the next conversation around other moms and their babies. And then He gives us the steady feet of a deer so we can see the land below. From these heights, you will see things from a different perspective.

He will show you things that no one else can see. You may even see all of the children who need a mama like you. He will show you a different version of yourself that wouldn’t have been possible had your story gone your way. 

You can pray like Habbakuk:

"God, I am in a famine. My womb is empty. My arms are empty. But I choose to rejoice in you. I rejoice in my salvation. You give me the strength to face the next conversation around other moms and their babies. Steady my feet to see things from your perspective. Help me find joy even in the waiting. You are my strength. In Jesus' name, Amen."

God still has a worthy purpose for you.

Empty

By Rachelle Keng

It is an ache of a woman’s soul—

to nurture, make another whole.

But when the womb is empty, it’s okay to grieve,

It’s okay if you can’t conceive.

He has a purpose, He has a plan,

All children from His hand.

Some are from our own womb,

Or the one who’s facing her doom—

She’s birthed a babe that needs a mama.

Your mother’s story is at a comma.

Your child, birthed by another,

Needing your love, needing a mother.

He may be calling you to wait—

Or leading you to someone great

you would not have known otherwise,

If you let emptiness paralyze.

Our worth is not in our womb,

Rather by Christ who conquered the tomb.

He gave us all a second chance,

So that you too can enhance

The little life who needs your mercy,

To fill your heart and your nursery.

He is the matchmaker of all needs,

He is the gardener of all seeds.

The end is not infertility.

It is the start of a possibility—

For even when the womb is empty,

He fills the heart with more and plenty.

Want to Read More? This is a partial excerpt from Woven in the Womb: Peace for the Pregnant and Postpartum Soul. Available on Amazon.